Frequently Ask Questions

What causes relationship failure?

People want to be happy but they don't know how. We want a fulfilling relationship but often choose partners that are not aligned with who we really are and what we really want. People fall into "Dating Traps" and make unconscious partner choices based upon their attractions, 
assuming they can "make" a relationship work. Often, people realise the person they are with is not a good choice, but they don't want to be alone, assume they can't get what they really want, assume all the "good ones are taken", etc. Making a good long-term partner choice starts with taking the trouble to be very clear about who you are and what you really want, and learning how to get what you want in your life and relationships.

How do I know if this relationship is right for me?

If you have taken our RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS TRAINING FOR SINGLES program, this question is easy because you are clear about your Vision, Life Purpose, Requirements, Needs, Wants, and much more. To be a sustainable Life Partnership, all your requirements must be met. It's the requirement you are not aware of that appears later, or the problem you assume is solvable that isn't, that will typically cause relationship failure. When you Sort and Screen, you are gathering information about a prospective partner, then, make sure to Test the information and get EXPERIENCE and KNOWLEDGE that the relationship meets all your requirements BEFORE making a commitment. There is no hurry, take all the time you need to be very clear that this relationship works for you, will work in the long run, so you can make a commitment confidently, with your whole heart AND your head.

Should I date to have fun, or be serious about finding a partner?

Are you ready for a committed relationship? If you met the person you were looking for TODAY, would you be ready and available for them? These are hard questions for many singles that want the benefits of being in a relationship, but really are not ready or available. If you are in a relationship, have unfinished business from a past relationship, are going through divorce, in a transition of some kind in your life, have problems you need to work out (emotional, financial, legal, etc), then you are not ready and available to meet your life partner, so you should date (preferably nonexclusively) and have fun in recreational relationships, while getting to the place in your life when you are ready.

What's wrong with single men/women?

There tends to be a gender difference in the way men and women approach dating. Men generally want to have fun, have sex, try out the relationship before deciding the future. Women generally focus on the future and are more security-minded when dating. These two polar approaches result in misunderstanding, and many women despair of finding a "commitment-minded" man, and men complain that women are too serious, focused on evaluating and catching them, and that dating isn't fun. Men and women should be clear and honest with each other about whether they are ready and looking for a committed relationship, or if they just want to have fun in a recreational relationship. If your agenda and goal for dating doesn't match someone, then move on. Don't be afraid to state what you are looking for- if someone rejects you, they are doing you the favor of deciding for you that there is no future together, which frees you up to find someone more aligned with you.

Am I ready for a committed relationship?

Are you clear about your Vision for your life and relationship? Do you know your Life Purpose and ALL your Requirements? Are you emotionally free from your past relationships? Are you successful and happy without being in a relationship? Do you have enough relationship knowledge and experience to bring to a committed relationship and make it work? Do you know how to take responsibility for YOU in a relationship? Can you choose and initiate what you want, and say "no" to what you don't want in a relationship? If the answer to any of these questions is "No", Not yet", "I don't know", or "Maybe", you are NOT ready for a committed relationship, and need to get the support you need to become ready by taking our RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS TRAINING FOR SINGLES program.

Do I have to settle? Can I really find what I want in a relationship?

The fear that you can't find what you really want, and the resulting belief that you must settle for less than what you really want, is self-fulfilling and a leading cause of relationship failure. When people settle in their relationship choices, they don't let go of what they want, they try to fit the round peg in the square hole and make it happen anyway, which is a set-up for failure. "If you are going to get what you REALLY want, you must say "NO" to what you don't want."

If you can let go of your fear of being alone and strive to be a "successful single", happy without a relationship, and you give yourself time and opportunity to find what you really want, you WILL be successful.

Will it really happen for ME?

Many of us tell ourselves we are too old, or too fat, or too poor, or too unattractive to find a Life Partner and have the relationship of our dreams. Of course, if you allow these beliefs to linger, they are self-fulfilling. The first step to finding your life partner is to love and accept yourself as you are, believe that you deserve to be loved and happy and that you WILL find your life partner if you focus on living the life that you really want. Like the saying in the movie "Field Of Dreams", "Build it and they will come." If you build the life that you really want, the people that you want in your life, including your life partner, WILL COME!

Should we live together first?

Many people see co-habitation as a necessary stepping-stone to a successful commitment, however the statistics show that this is not the case. There is a world of difference in the mind-set between a "committed relationship" and what we call a "pre-commitmed" relationship. When you are committed, there are no back doors, no exits, you are in this for the long haul. In a pre-committed relationship you are trying to decide if this is the right relationship for you. Living together does not help a pre-committed relationship become a successful committed one. You can get all the information you need by scouting, sorting, screening, and testing prospective partners, there is no need to live together to test it out. There is a higher risk of entering a "mini-marriage" when you believe you need to try on a relationship to see if it fits you. If you take our RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS TRAINING FOR SINGLES program you will learn how to make good, lasting relationship choices, and avoid the costly "mini-marriage" model of dating and mating.

If it feels good is it love?

People mistake attraction, "chemistry", good sex, attachment, having fun, infatuation, and just about any other romantic or sexual feeling for "love". There seems to be a romantic inside each of us that wants to believe that "love conquers all", "all you need is love", etc, so it is tempting to interpret our romantic feelings as "Love". In general, we tend to make our mistakes when choosing and acting unconsciously, using our "heart" instead of our "head". Using your "head" seems pretty unromantic and cold, and that is not desirable either. We advocate using your heart AND your head. To be a sustainable Life Partnership, all your Requirements must be met, and love must grow over time. The normal pattern is for your exciting feelings to start high and gradually fall down to earth. We recommend you give a relationship enough time to do this, then you will see what you REALLY have, and can judge much more effectively if the relationship works for you and it really is Love.